Parrot fun
Our parrot is being a bit funny at the moment. He's trying to build a nest on top of the kitchen cabinets. Every time you turn your back, he'll be up on the cabinets, chewing the skirting board into little chips for his "nest".
Parrots are schizophrenic creatures. Sometimes they act like adults, other times like little children. I've decided that it's best to respect the parrot and negotiate. They really just want your attention, and to feel like valued members of the flock. Apologise profusely when you need to leave them, and he'll forgive you. We have a routine - I give him a daily exercise routine before he goes in his cage. We have a big blue duster which serves as his "reminder" when he conveniently forgets verbal commands.
My parrot tells me "I love you". I reply "I love you too", then have to add "in a parroty way". Then I feel guilty - Charlotte and I are his world.
Beware chatterbots!
I've been getting some really wierd emails from a guy called Arjun Verma.
He claims to be from India and his English is appalling. He doesn't seem to be able to answer in anything longer than a couple of lines, and he never really stays on topic. Not wishing to be rude, I'd always answer politely, in a one-liner. This went on for nearly two months, receiving an email every few days or so. I thought he was just brushing up on his English or something.
My suspicions were aroused when he asked for my phone number and address. I told him no. He said no problem. Another cause for suspicion is that the subject of the email was always completely generic and formatted in the same way. A final cause for suspicion was that he suddenly started talking about ATMs.
A chatterbot (or chatbot) is an automated piece of software that uses "AI" to mimic human conversation. They typically use open questions and evasive answers in order to avoid being pinned down and proven to be non-human. For example if you ask a question, they'll ignore it and counter with a generic response like "Why do you ask?" to try to put you off the scent.
Then I asked him what three plus five was? He evaded the question. I told him I wondered if he was a chatterbot, and I wouldn't answer until I got an answer. He wrote back "3+5=8". Ok. So a human has definitely intervened there. I apologised for calling him a chatterbot.
But now I don't know what to do. What if he's just a kid wanting to practise his English, and I called him a chatterbot? How can I tell if this thing is a chatterbot, given that a human will always dive in if I corner it?
I'm thinking that as long as I don't put a question mark at the end of the sentence, it won't get flagged as a question by their bot software.
Some of the conversation so far:
A: question: How are you Sir?Anything new from your side?What are you working on?Regards
C: I'm working on an ultra-fast regular expression library. It's going to be good
A: PlzReflect: I had a rather unique experience Sir...thought I should share it with you.My money got sucked back into an ATM while I was answering a cellph. call at the ATM.It took me some running around to get it back into my bank account by contacting the State Bank,and it was an awful experience.I'm quite regularly noticing that some ATM machines come with a cortege of troubles-some people complain about their ATM/Debit cards getting pulled inside,leaving them in a soup.Have you had any such experience Sir?My contention is that using these machines needs some training.Do you think they are as easy to use as the banks say?Regards
C: Ours have always worked fine.
A: Thank you for the perspective.Regards
C: Can I ask you a really simple question? What is five plus three?
A: : Why do you ask Sir?
C: I want you to prove to me that you aren't a chatterbot.
A: SorrySir: I'm sorry if my comments offended you.I just tried to share an experience.I sincerely apologize to you.Regards
C: All you need to do is answer my simple question! Otherwise, goodbye
A: YourEmail: 5+3=8
C: Sorry man. I just heard about these chatterbots on IRC and email, and thought you might be one of them!
A: Regards: Sir,if there is any problem you have,please let me know.I really don't want to be a nuisance to you.Sorry again for any trouble.Regards Sir
A: Query: I'd appreciate if you could please tell me what you've heard about chatterbots?
C: What do you think a chatterbot is?
C: We've installed some email filtering software at work. You need to put the code 65442 into the subject line of all emails you send me, otherwise the email will automatically get deleted. I hope you can manage to do that.
He he, bot software will never cope. This will really distinguish between a bot and a human.
A "cortege of trouble"? His spelling is impecable! I'll keep this updated.
Losing my sanity
Am I the only person to shout at their computer??
I feel like I am losing my mind.
I mean, is it just me, or do the stupid geeks who create computer software really have it in for us. I speak as a stupid geek who creates computer software.
I have had cause to shout at it three times in the past 5 minutes. At the moment, it is calculating the time required to move my files. No, I don't give a flying (*& about how long it will take (it always guesses wrong anyway), just bloody copy the files.
Oh look, it's failed. It timed out because it took too long working out the time without actually doing any copying. Now whenever I type into this window, it keeps stealing the focus whilst it whines that it is failing to copy the files. Now I get 550 _vti_cnf: Directory not empty whilst telling windows to delete a directory. See what I mean? All in the space of 3 minutes of writing this paragraph. Hit a key and nothing happens for 20 seconds.
Computers really are this bad. We thought in the 1980s, computers were bad. Computers are still bad.
Escape the phone booth (and other games)
I've found these Flash games really amusing. You have to escape from a series of situations.
CarClosetPhone boothThis game is a puzzle game:
Bloxors
The least successful Cambridge visit ever
Today I was going to go to Cambridge. I even set off to Cambridge. All was going great, until I was on the M25, junction 21A.
There I am sitting happily in the outside lane of the M25 doing about 85, minding my own business, when suddenly my rev counter drops to zero and I lose all power. This is damned scary. I hit the hazard switch, cross three lanes, an entry slip road, and coast to a halt on the hard shoulder. Everyone seems happy to get out of the way of a stricken TT.
It was a good job I didn't try to pull in on the central reservation, that would have been really precarious. I call the AA. I am so freaked out that I told them I was on the M40, and I have to call them back to tell them that actually, no, I meant the M25. I can't even tell them which junction I was on, but hey sat nav turns us all into morons, but fortunately I had parked up right next to a marker.
It was a lovely day and I was getting well roasted. Two traffic officers from the highways agency turn up and ask if I'm okay. They tell me that well done I had put my hazards on and was waiting nicely on the other side of the barrier. Wow I get a gold star and a brownie point. They take my details and drive off.
The AA turn up reasonably promptly, and so far so good. The guy starts prodding my engine with what looks like a thermometer or conductivity tester. This goes on for about 5 minutes, he starts the engine, and yup, no thrust. Mutters something about fuel pump.
Then he tells me that he can't tow me because I have 4 wheel drive, so a truck turns up instead and takes my car to the nearest service station which is about 5 minutes away.
I thought it was going well until I get an estimate of 4 hours before another truck can take me back home. I have already decided that going onwards to Cambridge would be a bad idea. I grumble mildly, and seeing how I'm a young(ish) bloke with no nagging wife and crying children, I probably got put to the back of the queue.
So there's nothing to do but enjoy McDonalds. It's not even a proper service station. I am sure they have a deal with McDonalds that the AA gets free food if they leave their customers stranded there for 4 hours. In all I have a quarter pounded with cheese, an orange juice and two cups of tea. I even try a "McFlurry" but frankly it tastes like crap. I don't want to get clamped for being a non-customer, that would really finish my day off.
I see about 6 trucks carrying various cars. One stops to help me, and ascertains that one of my fuses to the fuel pump has broken. He replaces the fuse (something the stoopid AA could have done seeing how I pay them and stuff), and the car runs for about 10 seconds before blowing the fuse again. Okey dokey, we have good information to tell the garage, though sadly I am not on my way. Apparently it's a really busy day for breakdowns, something to do with European cars not coping with 24 degrees Celsius.
I get a call from the highways agency asking me if I'm okay. I tell them all is well. The officers who met me on the motorway turn up at the McDonalds, see my TT and snigger to themselves that it's the 6th TT they've seen break down today. I wave at them, and we have a good chuckle. Ha ha ha.
After 3 hours I call the AA just to make sure I am not forgotten. They forgot to tell me that the lift back to Didcot will cost me £50. Annoying but hey. I sort-of self insure, and it was a calculated risk that I would not need to get towed back. Bad guess but hey.
After about 4 hours (5 hours since I call the AA), a man turns up and hoists my car onto the back of his truck. We drive the 50 miles back home. He's falling asleep at the wheel, but I'm too tired to care.
We are all information workers
I wonder why I get paid. Yes, I do a good job (I hope!), doing something that society values. Clearly I must have some asset that I use when I work. Obvious huh?What I am really being paid for is to process information. I am an information worker. Information goes in, information comes out. My knowledge and experience transforms product specifications into software, problems into solutions. I do this because my brain is being used as a tool for the betterment of society.There is another kind of worker, called a manual worker. He moves stuff around. You can also get professionals who do a bit of both.Summary. There are two types of work. - Information work
- Manual work.
That's it. Your brain gets trained in some vocation, then you use that training to process information. The only reason why we use human brains for even such mundane things like driving a car, is because the type of information processing is too advanced to be automated and done by a computer. So until computers get better, I need to sit here wasting my time working information.
Two T-shirts
Okay, a really stupid one. I have just discovered that if you wear two T-shirts underneath your top, you get considerably warmer. You can also wear just two-t-shirts. The possiblities are nearly endless! I wonder why I never thought of that solution before?
Ahh, all my temperature-related comfort problems solved!!
